i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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