apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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