My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
