she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
