honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
