im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize