She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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