I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize