Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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