there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
