Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
