epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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