Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
