so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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