he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
