Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
