I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
