just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
