Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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