oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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