My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
