that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
