Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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