i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
