I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
