I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
