hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
