You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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