my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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