I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
