Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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