just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
