I wish my penis had an off switch
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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