Can i not drive my cunt home
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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