I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
