Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
