The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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