The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
