..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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