Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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