I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
