Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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