you guys were way drunker than both of me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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