3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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