low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
