I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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