You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Your dad touched me again.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
