I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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