i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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