Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
