I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize