I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
