I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
