Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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