dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we made out on top of his cat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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