your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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