I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
