i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
