He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
