In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
