clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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