The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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