so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
