A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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