A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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