things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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