Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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