Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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