I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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