i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
