Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize