im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
