I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
