guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
