maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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