Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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