honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
