there's paper in my vomit.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
