Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
