Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
