he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Operation Purity has been aborted
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
