Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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