just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Come see our sink grown plant.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
