No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
