Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
