I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
