I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
