You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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