Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
