Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
