the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
