careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
