His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
