You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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