Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
