haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
