my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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