you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
