There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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