Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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