You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize